I tend to fluctuate pretty quickly in and out of a fight-or-flight mode. One minute I tell myself, “You can do it, hang in there! Just keep going and everything will turn out all right. It always does.” And moments later I’ve switched to, “Screw this. I’m outta here!”
Since making a life-long commitment to live here at Koinonia, I’ve had to dig deep to get beneath this fight-or-flight reflex. What I’ve discovered boils down to my lack of faith. When I abandon faith for “common sense” the small amount of patience in me is completely disabled. I suddenly cannot wait around until the miracle happens. I must make changes, any changes, before anything else goes wrong without my consent!
At least when I make the change, I’m in control. And that’s precisely the problem that God has with all my flight instincts. He’s been telling me this for a while.
Since I decided to take his name, to become known as one of his children, I have given up control. In essence, I’ve lost it. The world God wants me to live in is not yet comfortable to me. It’s full of awkward moments, of people who don’t understand me, nor I them. It’s often devoid of logic. For example, I’m expected to love and care for people on a daily basis even when I know that some of those people have been gossiping behind my back and getting in the way of the work I’ve been asked to do. Furthermore, I’m supposed to not gossip about them. I’m supposed to be kind and loving towards them even in private! Even in my thoughts! And especially in my prayer life.
God tells me that I must be willing to show grace to everyone. I must be willing to give. But more than that, I must also be open to receive what is freely given to me.
The giving aspect is a no-brainer for today’s Christian. Every church I’ve been to has worked in the line about how it’s “more blessed to give than to receive.” But I wonder if we got the translation wrong on that line. I wonder if it should say that it’s just as blessed (and necessary) to receive as it is to give.
Imagine that you are trying to call your friend on the phone. Not a cell phone with voicemail and caller ID, but a regular old land line. And imagine that the friend has mistakenly left that phone off the hook, so every time you call there is a busy signal. The first call is no problem. The second time is moderately annoying. But by the 10th time in two days that you’ve tried to reach your friend, and you just can’t get through, you’re ready to throw your own phone against the wall.
Now imagine that you are trying to reach all of your friends, and that no one is picking up the other line. Busy signals as far as the ear can hear! God’s showing me that this is his own lot in our lives. He picks up and listens every time anybody calls him. Billions of times each hour, he receives our requests and questions, our praises and our thanks. But most of the time when he dials our numbers, he’s greeted with a busy signal.
I need to learn how to put the rest of life on hold so I can start receiving more of what God wants to give me. Only when I’m filled up with the gifts of his Spirit can I truly give to others. Time to put the phone back in its receiver…
hey there, its been a while since I’ve “caught up with you”. I LOVE this picture of receiving. And I totally agree…there has been such a push to give that we, almost especially the church, have neglected how to receive. I have learned so much in our times of need, mainly because I had to receive from others and more often than not, I had nothing to give back. Such a good lesson. Thank you for the great visual that I get to meditate on now.
Ah, the art of recieving….I am touched by your image of God encountering a busy signal. Being fully available to the experience God is offering us goes against my busy heads agenda!
[...] is all around us, all the time. Let us set our sights on the giving and receiving of good gifts, and remember to be grateful in all things. When we share and give thanks, there will [...]